Are you ready for deep, personal transformation?
- Published: 22 August 2014
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If you’re not happy with your life as it is, chances are you haven’t yet owned your ‘shadow’ side. Doing this is essential to live on purpose, writes Sonia Friedrich.
22 August 2014
Do you feel fractured, splintered, frustrated, if not downright angry with your life?
Why? What’s going on? Really? Are you living the life that you want? Whose fault is it?
Who do you continually blame: your mother, father, boss, society, men, women, corporates, your kids, anyone in your path?
You’re not good enough, no one cares, you feel stupid, lazy, not loved, or maybe think you are better than everyone else.
These excuses you keep telling yourself over and over…and over again, have habitually entrenched themselves within your cells to the point now you actually believe and live the limitation of their persuasion. You may not even be conscious of their existence. Yet daily, they stop you from being all of who you are.
Do you separate your work life from your personal life?
Do you make do in one area of your life because you compensate for it in another?
Do you say “I can’t have everything, no one can”?
If you want your life to change – it can. So how do you get out of the rut and routine of these old thoughts and habits?
How do you shift from living stuck to living full and free?
Deep in your heart you know what you want. Take the time to ask. Let’s do it right now.
Seriously. It only takes a few minutes. Close your eyes and take a deep breath and relax as you let your breath out. I want you to quiet your mind. I want you to move out of your head, and into your heart. Relax as you take another four breaths.
Now with your eyes closed find a place deep within that feels safe and comfortable. Ask yourself “Am I living the life I want? Am I living the life I want in any aspect of my life? If so identify where these are. Can I change the parts of my life that I am living that do not feel true? Do I want to?”
The answers naturally arise from within. They are from truth – your truth. There is nothing to think around them. Let them be and feel what they mean to you.
Take a moment before moving on.
You may be completely happy with where you are, or you may have uncovered something dramatic and unexpected. Be gentle on yourself. Become aware without the need to react. Feel everything this brings up for you. Write it out if that helps.
While transformation itself can be quick, the honesty to get there may take a lifetime. Being honest with yourself is key. There are not layers of honesty. You are either honest or not.
There are, however, layers of questions. In holding yourself back, you need to discover what you are hiding before you can be ready to move forward. You need to discover your hidden secrets and lies that you tell others and yourself all the time and somehow make this right.
Own your shadow
The shadow is key. The shadow is every aspect of yourself that you do not own. It includes both positive and negative traits that you have not embodied within your own life.
How do you tell if the shadow is at work in your life?
Any time you have an emotional reaction to a positive or negative emotion, a charge toward anyone else, that is your shadow at work.
If you’re thinking he’s a shit, angry, demanding, she’s controlling, a wimp, too vivacious and you can’t let it go, and this is your shadow at work. It is a part of yourself you still have to own.
How lucky you are that you have an instinctive guide. Every time you see this in another and you react – that is your shadow telling you there is an aspect you need to own in yourself. In owning this you integrate these aspects within yourself and begin becoming whole.
You have a shadow belief that underlies all of your actions. We all do. Mine is that I am unlovable.
As soon as I accepted this belief I could see where it played out in the disasters of many relationships. By owning it I could accept that this is what I have done. Now if anyone says to me I am unlovable I can smile with no charge at all. Its power released, it no longer controls my life.
The shadow thread is the reason you see the same pattern playing out over and over again in your life. It is the reason you may have wanted to change your life many times and still haven’t managed to change it.
The work of Debbie Ford is paramount in sharing the healing processes of shadow work. I thoroughly recommend Dark Side of The Light Chasers and The Secrets of the Shadow. The gift of her processes can change your life forever.
When you discover your underlying shadow belief you see the emotional charge attached to it. You see how it has played out in your life over and over again. You see the gifts it brings you and then you forgive and make amends.
All of these steps are required for freedom from the limiting power of the shadow. From limitation comes empowerment. From empowerment comes conscious choice and from choice is the gravitation to live all of you who are. Here you live free.
The power of shadow release work and integration is immediate. The power of not doing this is suffocating. Scarily this is where most of us choose to stay.
Are you ready to confront your shadow? Here’s a simple way to find out.
Are you ready for change?
Start with the question: On a scale of 1-10 how badly do you want to change your life and live all of who you are? (1= not willing to change much, 10= willing to do whatever is necessary).
If you answer 9 or above, then you are ready and ripe for change. Unfortunately if you answer less than this, say 7, you might start to change parts of your life temporarily, however, your commitment to yourself will likely fall back into old ways.
If you answer 5 or less then let’s get serious – you don’t really want to change anything and you are happy to stay in the blame game and right where you are. There is nothing wrong with this either – just accept it and get on with it. Stop pretending you really want anything else.
Getting honest is the first step. You can use this scale with questions about every aspect of life to provide a barometer of truth. It’s not about what you think. It’s about how you feel.
And if you are getting angry with me now, then I’ve definitely hit something that lies true for you. Ask yourself why.
When you are ready to commit to personal change, you can. Sometimes people make dramatic changes and give up everything; I know I have done this myself.
Other times nothing needs to be left; all that needs to be done is some healing of the baggage that constantly sabotages what you want and the integration of this into every aspect of your life.
It is about accepting the wholeness of you and owning these aspects of yourself. It’s about letting go of your underlying shadow beliefs that have resulted in an on-going pattern of restricted thoughts and behaviour.
It’s a shift in perception and with this, a shift in the charge associated with what has been holding you back.
So rather than making dramatic decisions about life choices, make your first decision to get in touch with your shadow. With this acceptance, your life force will return.
Allow this to unfold so that you act from empowerment and don’t react from old patterns. It’s not hard. You just have to want it badly enough. And when you are ripe, you create the space for this to occur.
Integrating all of who you are into all aspects of your life, and seeing, and owning your unique gifts together with the contribution you offer the world will allow your true purpose to unfold.
Next you can live it.
Sonia Friedrich is a Mentor and Strategic Consultant working with individuals and leaders in business. She has worked for Fortune 500 companies on brands worth $1m to $250m in Australia and New Zealand.
She can be contacted for personal or business support by email at soniafriedrich [at] virginbroadband [dotcom dotau].
Images: Butterfly, Parag.naik under a Creative Commons licence.